ursulavernon:

seananmcguire:

thesylverlining:

sizvideos:

Watch the video of this Japanese salamander

I want to pick this thing up and hug it

HELLO FRIEND

Quagsire! I choose you!

No lie, there’s a novel whose plot is literally “the close relations of these giant salamanders take over the world” and it is one of the great unsung works* of 20th century literature: War with the Newts, by Karel Capek.

*Not amusing hyperbole; has topped my “best books I’ve ever read” list for close to twenty years running.

creepingmonsterism:

i-dont-have-to-do-boo:

peabodysfedora:

detectivewho:

dblaksle:

guys remember when Lemony Snicket filled an entire page with evers? 

image

imageimage

I do.

Who cares about the page filled with evers? Lemony Snicket just made two whole pages black.

image

He don’t give a shit.

And that time he repeated an entire passage about deja vu to give the reader deja vu

Yep

What a serious of unnecessary events

Pssst the black page thing was totally ripped off from Tristram Shandy.

Thanks for reminding me I really need to read that book!

(Source: therealslimblakeslee)

469,937 notes

"You can’t even read American fiction to get a sense of how actual life is lived these days. You read American fiction to learn about dysfunctional white folk doing things that are weird to normal white folks."

Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche (via tokenblackconfessions)

When I read that quote in the book, I cheered. Seriously, I was nodding and going, “Yep, the doors to the church is open. She’s preaching today, all day.”

(via jazzypom)

(via crossedwires)

"I always assume that a good book is more intelligent than its author. It can say things that the writer is not aware of."

Interview with Umberto Eco (The Art of Fiction, No. 197). (via ragnaroked)

Also true of art in general.

(Source: the-library-and-step-on-it, via creepingmonsterism)

1,837 notes

"All witches are selfish, the Queen had said. But Tiffany’s Third Thoughts said: Then turn selfishness into a weapon! Make all things yours! Make other lives and dreams and hopes yours! Protect them! Save them! Bring them into the sheepfold! Walk the gale for them! Keep away the wolf! My dreams! My brother! My family! My land! My world! How dare you try to take these things, because they are mine!"

Terry Pratchett (The Wee Free Men)

(Source: persephinae, via aintgotnoladytronblues)


Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

(Source: aseaofquotes, via heroics)

1,758 notes

Famous Poems Rewritten as Limericks

thepoetrycollection:

The Raven

There once was a girl named Lenore
And a bird and a bust and a door
And a guy with depression
And a whole lot of questions
And the bird always says “Nevermore.”

Footprints in the Sand

There was a man who, at low tide
Would walk with the Lord by his side
Jesus said “Now look back;
You’ll see one set of tracks.
That’s when you got a piggy-back ride.”

Response to ‘This Is Just To Say’

This note on the fridge is to say
That those ripe plums that you put away
Well, I ate them last night
They tasted all right
Plus I slept with your sister. M’kay?


Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening

There once was a horse-riding chap
Who took a trip in a cold snap
He stopped in the snow
But he soon had to go:
He was miles away from a nap.


Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

There was an old father of Dylan
Who was seriously, mortally illin’
“I want,” Dylan said
“You to bitch till you’re dead.
“I’ll be pissed if you kick it while chillin’.”


I Wandered Lonely As a Cloud

There once was a poet named Will
Who tramped his way over a hill
And was speechless for hours
Over some stupid flowers
This was years before TV, but still.

(via pipistrellus)

creepingmonsterism:

alternateworldcomics:

Beowulf vs. Grendel as depicted in one shot comic Conquest # 1, 1943.

So… Grendel is a dinosaur. I call bullshit. It’s supposed to have feathers.

Wait, what? I don’t remember that from reading Beowulf, though it has been a while. /searches for Raffel translation, remembers she only has Heaney close to hand, sighs
Unless you meant tyrannosaurs are supposed to have feathers, in which case fair cop (probably, according to the latest mode of scientific thinking.)

creepingmonsterism:

alternateworldcomics:

Beowulf vs. Grendel as depicted in one shot comic Conquest # 1, 1943.

So… Grendel is a dinosaur. I call bullshit. It’s supposed to have feathers.

Wait, what? I don’t remember that from reading Beowulf, though it has been a while. /searches for Raffel translation, remembers she only has Heaney close to hand, sighs

Unless you meant tyrannosaurs are supposed to have feathers, in which case fair cop (probably, according to the latest mode of scientific thinking.)

26 notes

"

At the end of its report the expert commission summed up the results of its experiment in these words:

(1) Andrias Scheuchzeri, the salamander kept at the London Zoo, can talk, though with something of a croak; it has a vocabulary of about four hundred words; it says what it has heard or read. There can, of course, be no question of independent thought. Its tongue is sufficiently flexible; in the circumstances it was not possible to examine its vocal cords more closely.

(2) The same salamander can read, though only the evening papers. It is interested in the same things as the average Englishman and reacts to them in a similar manner, i.e. in the direction of established general views. Its intellectual life — in so far as one may speak of any — consists precisely of ideas and opinions current at the present time.

(3) There is absolutely no need to overrate its intelligence, since in no respect does it exceed the intelligence of the average person of our time.

"

Karel Čapek, War With the Newts (1936). Translated by Ewald Osers.

"

It is a well-known fact that the greater a man is the less he has on his plate. An old chap like Max Bondy in Jevíčko had to have large letters painted above his shop, on both sides of the door and on the windows, that this was the place of Max Bondy, merchant of all types of drapery, brides’ trousseaux, canvas, towels, napery and household linen, printed cotton and flannel, top-quality cloth, silk, curtains, pelmets, braids and all kinds of sewing material. Founded 1885. His son, G. H. Bondy, a captain of industry, President of MEAS Incorporated, Commercial Counsellor, Stock Exchange Consultant, Vice-Chairman of the Federation of Industries, Consulato de la Republica Ecuador, member of numerous boards of directors, etc. etc., had on his house only a small black-glass plate with the gilt lettering

BONDY

Nothing more. Let others write on their doors Julius Bondy, General Motors Representative; or Dr. Med. Ervin Bondy; or S. Bondy & Co. — but there was just one Bondy who was simply Bondy without further particulars. (I believe that the Pope, on his front door, has simply the word Pius, without any title or numeral. And God has no shingle at all, on Earth or Heaven. It’s up to you to find out that He lives here. But this is all beside the point and mentioned only in passing.)

"

Karel Čapek, War With the Newts (1936). Translated by Ewald Osers.

I’m not remotely religious, so it’s been hard for me to put a finger on why this passage has stuck with me since I first read it when I was, what, ten or eleven? (I made my sixth grade English teacher read it and I’m pretty sure that was after I’d already blown through it a couple of times.) Even at that age the text just resonated; I could recognize the authenticity of Čapek’s observations on human nature without having personal experience of the authentic. As I get older and have new experiences, rereading it is like putting on a new shirt that fits as though I’d worn it for years.